In Defense of Career-Driven Mothers Everywhere

I'm going to start by saying the taboo thing that we'll all get judged for if we say it out loud: My career gives me just as much fulfillment and joy as motherhood does.

Cue the pearl-clutching.

On several occasions, I've been questioned about this mentality. I've recently started considering several avenues my career could take me. They all involve some time away from my kids for a short training period. When I bring this fact up, all other women I've talked about it to say that's an absolute hard stop. I shouldn't consider pursuing something that would take me away from my kids.

Now, I can't get further down this path without acknowledging some privileges I currently experience.

I have a wonderful husband who enjoys fatherhood just as much as his own career. He is dependable. He is a worthy teammate who dotes on all of us. I couldn't explore career growth without that. Not only am I not a single mother, I also have an equal teammate who pulls his weight and isn't a third child.

A second privilege, though one my husband and I pay a pretty penny for? Daycare.

I see daycare as an investment in both myself and my children. We are lucky that our daycare teaches my kids more than I ever could if I were a stay-at-home mother. Our kids get socialization, education, and a well-balanced nutritional experience at daycare. You'd probably gag if I told you how much we paid weekly, but I still see it as worth the money. It's also like formula and diapers. When the kids no longer need them, it's like a built-in pay raise.

I consider daycare an investment in myself, as well.

I've seen it several times. As a mother, we pause everything to stay home with our kids. Our worlds begin and end with their development. Our days start and end with them. We live, eat and breathe either education and development. We worry if we are doing enough.

Our labor doesn't stop with the kids. It continues with our home. Errands. Appointments. Grocery shopping. Home repairs. Cooking. The dollar amount of this labor is rarely seen and fully appreciated.

Early into maternity leave with my first child, I knew this was not my journey. Pair staying home with an infant with a brutal bout of post-partum depression? It didn't bode well for my mental health. When my now-boss finally called me to tell me I had cleared the background check for my current job, I answered with, "PLEASE tell me you're calling with good news, and I get to start next week."

I've had some strong reactions to this mindset. Perhaps the most critical was, "You're really okay with someone else raising your kids while you're at work?" The answer? Absolutely.

The ladies of daycare are a welcome addition to my village. And yes, it takes a village.

These women have taught me how to wean my kids off formula, helped me navigate teething, and given me countless other tips about motherhood that my kids have grown from. It would have been to their detriment if I was left to figure out all this sh*t by myself.

A perfect example: our adventures in Thrush. Months and months ago, I got an odd picture of a white spot inside my daughter's mouth. "Hey, momma, we saw this white spot on your daughter's gums. You may want to get her checked out for Thrush." My response? "What in the hell is Thrush?" It sounded like a brand of rainboots to me.

They caught it early. We got my then-infant daughter into the doc the next day and on meds to take care of it quickly. They've done the same for ear infections, coughs, colds, and sleep pattern correction for both of my kids.

Yes, they're raising my kids while I'm at work. But they're teaching them so much more than I would be able to as a SAHM.

I know they are taken care of. Which leaves me to pursue my own career unapologetically.

Here's the ugly truth of motherhood. It doesn't matter if you're working or a SAHM. Whether you're homeschooling or sending your kids to public school doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you spend every waking moment dedicated entirely to their lives and development. At the end of the day, we all worry that we aren't doing enough.

There will always be another load of laundry, another vocabulary word they could have learned today, or another repair or household project that could have been completed. As mothers, working or not, I hope we are the generation learning to be kinder to ourselves.

I don't want to have to re-learn who I am once my kids no longer need me. I was Kaitlin before motherhood. I'll still be Kaitlin after my kids no longer need me as much.

My husband and I were married before we were parents. Barring an act of God, we will still be married after they no longer need us.

Our lives don't stop because we have kids. They bring me incredible joy and fulfillment. I'm no longer apologizing for my career doing the same.

These critiques have come from other mothers more often than not. We are our harshest critics but also tend to judge other mothers harshly. I don't subscribe to that.

Pay them no mind, momma, unless they are paying half of your bills. Even if they are, they may only sometimes know what's best.

You're doing a great job.